the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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