he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so let's talk penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
