Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Boobs speak an international language.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
