If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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