what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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