I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
