Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
