I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
