Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
