I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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