Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
