East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
