New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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