Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Someone came in the potted fern
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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