The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
