Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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