it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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