I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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