you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
now i know why i became what i already was.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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