i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
