I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
