I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Screwed.edu
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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