Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to have your abortion
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
