you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
