Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
