he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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