You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
