what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bring me that man meat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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