The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
