we have officially lost it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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