eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
