I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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