Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
