ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
