Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
