i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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