i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
