So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
