i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
