The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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