whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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