I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
