i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
where am i from again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
