cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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