It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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