Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
