I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
