Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
