The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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