OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
