kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
